I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
As shirtless as possible
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
