before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
