Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
