Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I need moral support for this bender
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
