yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Apparently you make a good broom.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
