My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
