watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize