Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
