i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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