what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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