dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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