Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
