CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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