Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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