she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
