Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
