I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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