just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
