Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize