dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
