Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
