take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My penis needs a shock collar
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
