I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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