Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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