I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
