So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
