This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
