??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
