1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize