a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
