ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
