when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
