i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
