Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize