If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
