How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
