My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
