Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
