im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I wear drunk well.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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