if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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