she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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