and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
