Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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