I cockslap morals
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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