considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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