Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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