Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
