i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
