I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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