There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
