He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
