Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
