DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
