Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
