I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
