Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize