he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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