This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
