I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
