You made me cry and you don't even care
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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