so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
