I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
