he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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