some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize