We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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