I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
