My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
