i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize