If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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