I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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