Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
