Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
