I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
