peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
