In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
