I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
